The Godhermit - The Story
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A Typical Day In The Market

Barano, Tortuga:

The local meat market is open early in the morning, as local villagers, and merchants and sea traders come in to make their purchases, and haggle a little. But where there is a large public, and items on display, to be bought, there are thieves, merchant guilds, craft guilds, and, of course, the local mafia.

"Ok, Messi," Whispered Steel "That buddy boy over there's lookin to make a purchase on ole baldies stand. I'll go over there and join in, on the haggling, while baldy aint paying attention you snatch some goods, got it?"

"Sure man, lets do it!" Said Messi

The two theives slowly made their way to their positions, and just as Steel predicted, the man went over to haggle over the price of a fresh link of sausages. Messi then casualy made his way over and joined in the haggle. Steel then quitely reached out to grab a handful of eggs from the stall. As he was grabbing the eggs a sword smacked the top of his hand.

"I wouldn't be doing that if i were you." Said Jack Pistol with a grin. Then he said with an Italian accent, "Not unless you want a visit with the Godfather."

"Grab it and run Steel!" Shouted Messi.

Steel pulled his arm hand back, placing 3 eggs in his potato, and then started to run, and push his way through all the shoppers at the Market.

Suddenly a gunshot was fired, and Steel went from a sprint, to laying on the ground, panting hard, in the matter of seconds, and the large crowd of people got very quite

A man then walked over to see if he was still alive. He rolled Steel over and saw his eyes were open, and he was still breathing.

"Eh, the Godhermit has too much on his mind right now to worry about some peasant like you." Said Capt. Skull X, as the crowd began to talk once again and go about their business, as if nothing had even happened. "I'll just put you out of your misiory now, plus, I will be able to bring back the Hermit a fresh corpse, he will surely be happy about the fresh meat." Chuckled Skull. He then drew his dagger and slit him across the throat.

Jack Pistol then walked over to the scene and said, "Well.... I warned him...."

"Hah, you're too nice to be in the mafia Jack." Said Skull with a laugh. "Help me drag this guy back to the tavern, we gotta talk to the Hermit about the crown, I'm beginning to believe that the Navy thinks it was us."

Chapter 2 - Scraps

Skull and Jack dragged the dead corpse of Steel back to the Faithful Bride Tavern, which is one of the Skull's Marines Taverns, located within their military capitol. The Cartel run by Godhermit, who is also known as Chris Swordbones, the Co GM, or Second in Command, of Skull's Marines, has their base of operations in the tavern.

As the 2 hitmen walked in with the corpse everyone cheered, and they took it up to the counter to give to Carver.

"Hey Carvy, we got a freshy." Said Jack

"Ya, can you process him up so we can bring it to Godhermit." Said Skull.

Jack added, in an Italian accent, "And ya might wanna make it choppy, the Don has been lacking on fresh human meet lately."

Carver responded with a quick nod of his head and began to chop away, and make faces of disturbance and disgust. As Jack and Skull walked away they had big smurks on their face and high fived each other as they sat down at the poker table.

"Is Ace High good?" Skull whispered to Jack, as the pot was now 2000 gold coins.

"No, you better fold before you lose too much money." Answered Jack. Skull then folded, and moments later, the game was done, and Jack won, with the hand, Ace High, recieving 2,430 gold pieces.

"You!" Skull began as he made different noises in his fit of rage, while Jack just laughed histarically along with the others.

They began to play another hand when a suspicous character walked in. A small, very short, pudgy, male walked in, wearing a tricorn, and a merchant vest.

"You smellin something fishy?" Asked Jack.

"Ya." Said Skull, "I think Balto is bluffing.... Is my hand good?"

"Doh!" grunted Jack has he facepalmed himself. "I meant about the guy who walked in just now."

"ohhhhh" said Skull, as if he had just had a revelation. "Oh yeah, he's obviously an umpa lumpa"

Jack then sighed as he put his head down on the table, and then picked it back up, "Skull, do you mind telling me what an umpa lumpa is?"

"Oh, its a dirogatory term for a Navy Officer, because they are usually fat, cuz they have alot of money to spend on sweets and since they are an officer, they just give out orders and don't really do any work themselves, so they get fat." Informed Skull. "And from the looks of this guy, I wouldn't be surprised if he was a general!" and the table began to laugh.

Meanwhile, the navy general walked up to the main desk. "Hello there, sir."

"HAHAHA!!!" Skull bursted out laughing so hard even the man that just entered, heard him. Then he went back down to a whisper. "Oh my gosh, its so about to be over for him!"

"What'd ya want, chub?" Said the man at the desk.

"Well, I'm here to meet with the Don about some important business." Said the man, assumed to be a Navy Officer or even General. He then rested a hand on the desk.

"And what business brings you here to that is so important you have to talk to the Godhermit?" Asked the man at the desk.

"Well, I am here to buy the crown from him, so I can barter with the king and get half of my life back." Said the Navy Officer

"And what's your name?" Asked the man at the desk.

"Capt. Robert." Said the Navy Officer

The man at the desk, Roger Wildeagle, then quickly and swiftly pulled out a dagger and stabbed it through the Navy Officers hand.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" Screamed the Navy Officer in extreme pain, having his hand stabbed, and stuck to the table. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?!"

"Oh, shut up you navy swine." Said Roger, "The Godhermit will deal with you shortly."

"What made you realise I'm with the Navy!" Shouted Robert

"Well... your an Umpa Lumpa, and when you presented your name, you said, 'Capt.' plus, you're looking for the crown" Responded Roger


"It's not..." Responded Roger "But, you kinda just admitted so..."

Robert then began to bang his head on the wall, until the Godhermit walked out of his back room, and the tavern got silent. Godhermit slowly walked up to Capt. Robert.

"Vhat to do want?" Said Hermit in an Italian accent.

"The crown!" Said Robert. "And we will tear this place apart until we get it!"

"Now you come to me and say 'Don Hermit give me the crown'," Started Hermit "but you don't even ask with respect. You don't offer me meat! You don't even think to call me... Godhermit. You come here, and you try to take my women!"

"I Never said anything about taking your wo-" Began Robert, until Hermit turned around and put his 6-barrel pistol up to his throat.

KA-BOOM! SPLAT! Sounded the gun as it fired off, sending Capt. Roberts brains all over the entrance way of the tavern. Then the musicians began to play once again and everyone returned to normal everday life.

Then, 4 navy guards came bursting through the door, "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!"

Chapter 3 - A Bad Choice

Roger ducked behind the desk, and pulled out the Banhammer Repeater, which was a crude, and first form, of a machine gun. Created for the operation to rescue the captured researchers of the Daggerpaine Industries. Roger set the gun on the desk, and started firing away at the Navy guards, shooting 2, as a third guard rushed up to he godhermit with his bayonet, Hermit simply side steped and tripped the guard. After he was tripped the Godhermit shot him in the back of the head. The final guard dropped his weapon and went sprinting out of the tavern..

"Well.." Began the Godhermit. "Sounds like he chose take out. Go get 'em!" And then many of the men in the tavern chased after him.

"My lord!" Shouted Balto as he came rushing in. "The Navy is aboard the Black Demon, checking for the crown. And Capt. Robert's ship is just outside of the port."

"They messed with the wrong people..." Said Jack Pistol. "I shall go rouse the Marines, you guys head to the Black Demon."

Chris Swordbones, Capt. Skull X, and Balto then quickly ran to the Black Demon, which wasn't too far away. As they approached the boarding ramp, the saw the bodies of many navy soldiers, and a couple Mafia Men.

"Your deaths will not be in vane, my fellow brothers." Said Hermit as he was standing over a dead Mafia Man.

Then there was a gunshot, and a body went flying out of the window from one of the rooms on the Black Demon. The three Marines rushed up on board the ship. They detatched the ramp, and began clearly the ship room by room. Until they ran into David Light, and Nate Blueshot.

"The ship is clear sir." Said David Light. "you don't mess with the Skull's Marines and get away that easily."

"Or the Tortugan Mafia!" Chimed in Balto.

"Well then, what are we waiting for? Lets so sink Robert's ship!" Exclaimed Nate.

The men then began to set sail, and aproached the Navy Centurion that Capt. Robert used to travel to Tortuga.

"All right men!" Shouted Hermit. "Lets teach them a lesson, for messing with the Tortugan Mafia!!! But, save the ship, I have other plans..."

The men then fired off a barage of grapling hooks at the Navy Centruion, and tieing it down.

"Look, by the Dock!" Shouted Skull. By the dock there were about a dozen Navy troops left, forming a firing line waiting for the Tortugan Mafia to emerge.

"I'll fix that." Said David. He grabbed a cannon, and fired of a couple firebrands, which ignited the firing line and sent them to their death.

"So, it seems as if John Breasly thinks that I have the royal crown...." Said Chris Swordbones "Maybe its time to pay him a visit...."

Chapter 4 - A Peaceful Visit

Fort Dundee, Padres Del Fuego -

"My Lord!" said one of the king's men "Capt. Robert's ship has been spotted pulling into port now, the men have told me that robert and his officers stayed back in tortuga along with a small batallion of troops to take down the rest of the Tortugan Mafia. They have managed to capture major their leader, Chris Swordbones."

"Well isn't that a pleasant way to start off the morning!" Reacted King John Breasly "You know, why don't you sit down and have a cup 'o tea with me, in celebration of this great event!"

"My Lord!" Exclaimed the Navy Cadet "It would be an honor."

"Sir" interuptted a Navy Officer, "The prisoner is here."

"Very good! Bring him in!" Ordered John. The guards then brought Chris in, who had chains on. The guards then stood guard next to the don, making sure he didn't try anything, stupid. "Oh my goodness, chains? Please, un-chain him, me and the don just want to talk.... Think of this visit, more as a... business meeting, and leave us in peace." The guards responded with a quick and sharp yes sir, and moved out of the room. "Tea?"

"Oh, yes, that woud be splendid!" Answered the Godhermit in a mocking tone, as he grabbed his cup of tea. He then pulled out a small bottle and poured some mysterious, syrupy liquid into the cup, and John's face lit up with disgust.

"Ok, lets get down to business. Word on the street, word on the water, word in the MINES, tells me, that YOU and your thugs have stolen my royal crown." Began the king.

"Yes, well, I know nothing of the sort, and the truth in my mind, and the truth in my most trusted companions mind has it that we do not own the crown, nor have posession of the desired, metalic, material you're looking for." Answered Chris.

"Ok, don't play games with me, Its not worth it, Capt. Robert is stripping down the island of tortuga as we speak. He will surely find the crown, so you might as well tell me where it is." Negotiated Chris.

"Well you see, first off, I'm not playing mate." Began hermit, as he paced around the room, fiddling with different unique collectables on the walls and desks of John's office. "If we were playing a game, we would have a board out! and perhaps some pieces.... and there would be snacks! lots and lots of snacks! Human toes, Eye balls, fingernails, oh and that nice chunk of meet known as a stomach or belly!" Exclaimed hermit, as his face lit up with excitement in the though of all the food. "But no, we don't have any of that...." He said as his voice trailed off. "So obviously we're not playing a game. And, if Capt. Robert is going to find the crown, and is stripping down my palace, then why do you need me to tell you where the crown is?" Hermit then began to study several sheets of paper grouped together

"Aha! so you admit to steeling the crown!" Said John with a spark of acomplishment.

"No, I simply asked why you need me to tell you where the crown is. I never said I knew where it was. And one third controdiction with your statement about Capt. Robert."

"And what is that?" Asked King John.

"He's -" started hermit until he was interupted by a loud ringing of a bell, and a navy soldier rushing into the office.

"KING JOHN!" Screamed the soldier in a panic.

Hermit then casually walked over towards the other side of the room, where large bottles of wine and champain were sitting, opened up a cork and began to drink, and dumped the rest on the floor.

"What is it!?! What's going on?" Said John in a worried tone, completely unaffected by Hermit's reaction, due to his own worriedness.

"Dead bodies have been discovered in the East wing of the fort!"

"Get all men awake and high alert, and get me a ship out of here" Ordered John.

All of a sudden a loud explosion rang across the fort.

"Well on that note," Said hermit as he rolled up the papers and shoved them in the bottle, and securely stuck the cork back on it. "I think I'm gonna mosey on out of here." Said Hermit, as he pushed John's desk over on him, and tucked the bottle away in his pants. "Oh, and by the way, Capt. Robert, He's dead, and that syrupy liquid, that was some juice I found in his liver." Said hermit with a grin, as he dashed out of the door.

He was quickly met by choas in Navy Fort, or so it seemed, where navy soldiers were firing on other navy soldiers. In actuallity, the Tortugan Mafia, put on the dead navy soldier's uniforms, and used them to sneak into the fort, they tied a black band around their right arm so they know who, was who.

Explosions were echoing through the fort, as ammunition stock piles, jails, supplies, and walls were blown up, all sabotaged by the Tortugan Mafia that was incognito. Hermit spotted the firing line of mafia men, guarding the stairs up to the top of the fort by the water. As he began to run towards them he was hit in the head with a brick, as 4 navy soldiers captured him.

"You ain't going nowhere!" Taunted the Navy Soldiers as they put him in a choke hold.

"We'll take him from here guys, king John has a special location for him." Said 2 Navy Officers, that wore the black arm band, who gave hermit a wink.

"Why don't we all take him there?" Recomended the soldier that had hermit in a choke hold.

"Eh, no thanks." Said one of the Diguised Mafia men.

Hermit then head butted the soldier who had him in custody, as the 2 disguised mafia men delivered a kick to the knees, a blow to the stomach, and a hard twist of the neck, to quickly bring to death of all the Navy guards.

"What took you 2 so long!" Exclaimed hermit.

"Nice to see you to hermit." Said Skull with a wink.

"Is that fear I sense in the Don?!?" Said Jack Pistol sarcastically and mockingly.

Another explosion went off, with a loud boom, blowing up the bell, sending it tumbling down through layers of the fort.

"That's the que, lets move." Said Skull. The three then ran up a flight up stairs, shooting a couple of navy guards, and regrouping with several mobsters. Firebrand than began to rain into the navy fort, and once the men reached the top they all jumped into the water.

The Black Demon was waiting just off shore, bombarding the Navy fort with firebrand, and due to the sabotage attack, the fort was not ready to defend a naval attack.

Billows of smoke were soaring in the air, as the black demon began to sail away.

"From the looks of it, I asume the negotiations went well." Said David with a grin.

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