Our Story.[]
One late night, Garland and Mallace were noticing some seedlings...
We couldn't find a word for them.. until we found WHALE AND MAMMOTH.
Only members can call others whales and mammoths! For all members will be enlightened by our very own, Professor Garwhalia, PhD, MaWhalia, Or Mamalia, PhD, Mammology.
Why we are here.[]
We are here to sort out the Whales and Mammoths of the world. Our highly trained professionals and enforcer Davy Hookmalawhala are highly trained in sorting them out. We often use the terms Whale and Mammoth and either compliment/insult the good and evil of the world. For example: "Wow. you should be proud of yourself you whale." vs "YOU'RE A MAMMOTH, IDIOT." Only the members know the true meaning of the words...
So in order to learn more about them, you must join!
All new members will attend a 1 hour session hosted by one of our 3 founders on "daily use:How to use the terms Mammoth and Whale."
All members will also recieve admittance to the secret society in which we burn people of lesser races.
Headquarters[]
The Confederacy is headquarted in DHARAMSALA, INDIA, which is where the Dali Lama lives, and he often donates holy mammoths to surround the headquarters. They also get good seafood.. We also have a second (but much lesser) headquarters in Tashkent, Uzbekistan, which has a big fountain up front for grazing mammoths of all races to sip (before being shot). ALl those who are worthy of using this term, will apply in the comments. If you call someone a whale or a mammoth WITHOUT first applying... you are using it in vein! you BLOODY MAMMOTH!
Example Application:
What is your name?
What is your favorite color?
How tall are you?
What level Dagger do you have?
What is your passion?
What is a whale/mammoth?
And most importantly..
Do you dig Whales/Mammoths?
Join us![]
Join us, and you may use the terms! However.. don't do so.. and you shall be burned by the cult! Join us!
Presented to you by the Mammoth Association.
Current Members[]
Andrew Mamallia: PhD, Field of Mammology
Jeremiah Garwhalia: PhD, Field of Whalology
Davy Hookmalawhala: MAMMOTH ENFORCER
Johnny Coalmeastmon: Gorilla, in training,
Albert Sparmawhale: Whale Researcher, Junior MDD.
Jarodal Pillagemame: Whale Researcher, in studies.
Grunter Daggesrsteewa: S.L.A.V.E.
The Mammothian and Whalish Ranking System[]
(highest to lowest) SEVEN BASIC RANKS
Professors: Highest honors doctorate; masters of Mammology / Whalology (PhD)
Mammoth / Whale Enforcer: Sergeant-at-arms of the cult; responsible for correctly punishing those who use the terms incorrectly or without permission
Mammoth / Whale Researcher: Compiles studies of the whales / mammoths in their natural habitats to present to the Professors; also the maids of our crib in India.
Mammoth / Whale Soldiers: During a crisis in which there is a mammoth / whale uprising (the bad kind of mammoth / whales, not the complimentary form), these men are put on the front lines.
Mammoth / Whale Interns: Make coffee runs.
Gorillas: watch over the mammoth / whale containment centers and feed them when necessary; also, have to kill your wife if you are this rank
SLAVES: slaves
Whale Species[]
Below is an incomplete list of compiled species of whales, as gathered by Professor Garwhalia and his research team.
Troll Whale: Hideous creatures that live in small bouroughs in the deepest trenches on earth. Tend to emerge to pester and intentionally irritate anybody who crosses their path.
Fruit Whale: Large whale with an unusual fruit-based diet. Consists of a hierarchy: their leader, known as the "Pear Whale", controls a fat army of "Seed Whales", the latter of whom are to be poached on site.
Mammoth Whale: A cross-breed of an indigenous mammoth and whale. Unique in that this creature may both swim in great depths or walk on land. They are the fattest, largest, and most dumb of all the whales.
Rage Whale: Unusually aggresive whale that will often tirade (and usually fail) those he/she resents. Has a tendency to use caps, misspelled words, and an abundance of exclamation marks.
Fail Whale: A fat whale that likes to cover himself in sand and eats plants. Will often start arguments with other whales, and try to win them by making historical or intellectual references, even though they are false.
Indian Whale: A whale that lives in the waters off of India. Speaks in an Indian accent.
Cat Whale: Named in honor of Svenny the Cat. These whales tend to steal soldiers from other whales!
Whale-Mammoth Detainment Centers[]
Whenever a whale and/or mammoth is captured by our secret police or an enforcer, they are brought to a specially concealed detainment center. There are three detainment centers: one by our crib in Sinuiju, North Korea, another one in Guam, and a third one (which is by far the cruelest) in the totalitarian nation of Garlandia. Each detention block is proctered by a legion of Gorillas, who are also responsible for feeding their prisoners (the usual diet includes mammoth meat and whale blubber, that's right, we make them eat their own kin). All the whale and mammoth prisoners receive monthly massages, as well as free dental care. If ever a whale or mammoth is seen trying to escape, they are to be stunned on site, and put inside a giant tube until they learn their lesson. All the detention blocks in the detainment centers have white painted walls, to confuse the prisoners into thinking they have died and gone to heaven. Every now and then, the head professors of Mammology / Whalology will visit the detainment centers and serenade the prisoners with flute music.